Sigmund Freud, in his “Question of Lay Analysis,” speaks of the power a therapist has over you, even more than a pastor or priest, because of the one-on-one nature of the relationship. The preaching you listen to matters, the friends you run with matter, and so does the counseling you seek. We must be wise about where we go for wisdom. I am not anti-therapy. My wife has a master’s degree in mental health counseling. I have been to therapy and benefited from therapy, recommend people to go to therapy, and even started a counseling center. The question isn’t whether therapy can help, it’s how we discern between therapy that helps and therapy that harms.
In terms of Christians and counseling, there are three broad views:
- Counseling that only values the science.
- Counseling that only values the Scripture for answers.
- Counseling that values both but holds the Scripture as highest in the counseling.
I want to be upfront that I land on approach three. I value both theology and psychology. I believe the Scripture is the ultimate authority and yet, as Augustine declared, all truth is God’s truth. A psychologist who studies part of God’s general revelation, humanity, is studying God’s truth even if the psychologist does not acknowledge the truth as being God’s.
Proverbs 13:20 reminds us, “Walk with the wise and become wise, but a companion of fools will suffer harm.” The company you keep, including a counselor, shapes your soul. Some therapy heals. Some therapy hurts. So how can you tell the difference? Here are three key differences between good therapy and bad therapy, or more broadly, between wise and unwise counsel.
1. Unwise counsel focuses only on feelings; wise counsel applies truth to those feelings.
One of Abigail Shrier’s (author of Bad Therapy) critique of therapeutic culture is the overfocus on feelings, such as teachers opening class with “What is making everyone sad today?” Jean Twenge, professor of psychology at San Diego State, says, “Maybe everybody thinking about how anxious or hurt they are might not be the best idea.” Yes, we have feelings because God created us as emotional beings. But wise counsel does not only validate our feelings but gets to what’s happening beneath the feelings and challenges any untrue beliefs beneath those feelings.
The Psalmist, while battling inner turmoil, didn’t only listen to his feelings but preached truth to himself:
“Why, my soul, are you so dejected?
Why are you in such turmoil?
Put your hope in God, for I will still praise him,
my Savior and my God.” (Psalm 42:11)
Notice no matter what the answer to the reason for his turmoil, he told his soul to trust in God. Good counsel helps you do the same
2. Unwise counsel sets you as the authority; wise counsel submits to God as the authority.
Very common counsel is “follow your heart.” Unless your heart is being formed by Jesus, this is condemning counsel. Augustine, the early church father, confessed: “What am I without you God but a guide to my own downfall?” He said that because the Scripture teaches: “The heart is more deceitful than anything else, and incurable—who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9).
Us being the authority over our lives is bad for us. God, in His grace, offers to be the authority over our lives. To those of us who are His, He insists on being the authority. And He is not silent. He has spoken. If someone gives you counsel that violates God’s Word, it is unwise counsel. Every time.
3. Unwise counsel over-comforts or over-challenges; wise counsel balances both.
Jesus, the Wonderful Counselor, is full of grace and truth. We need counsel that is gracious to us in our struggles but truthful and challenges us to grow. There are times we need comfort, to have God’s mercy applied to our souls. And there are times we need to be nudged. Unwise counsel encourages you to avoid anything that makes you feel uncomfortable under the guise of avoiding anything that can feel “unsafe.” But God often uses challenges to help us grow and mature.
If someone leads you to find your identity in your struggle, they are prompting you to find your identity in something less than the identity God has for you, to be stuck in your struggles. And yes, we all have struggles. You don’t have to live with your struggles as your identity. You don’t have to live as a victim because your Savior is the Victor who conquered death.
After teaching a message on the difference between wise and unwise counsel, we gave our church this guide to help discern a potential therapist if they would ever believe they would benefit from seeing one. A team of therapists, educators, and pastors worked on this together. You can download a copy here.
