Tim Keller compared doubt to antibodies—that when your faith is given some doubt and you work through the doubt, you are stronger because of the doubt you worked through. You are better prepared to handle the onslaught of future struggles.
Like many, the biggest intellectual struggle for me within the Christian faith has been suffering. I have preached God’s goodness and wisdom to myself and still struggled. I have underlined and circled passages in books like Mere Christianity where C.S. Lewis writes that we only know a line is crooked because we have seen a straight line, and thus, us recognizing that the world is bent with suffering actually points us to God’s existence and plan. In the midst of lots of circled passages, I still struggled.
Perhaps the pinnacle of intellectual wrestling for me was when the tsunami struck Indonesia in 2004, when I was a young pastor in Miami. Hundreds of thousands of people died, and I wrestled with holding tightly to God being both loving and powerful. I brought my doubts to God and found He is good, and I believe Him. He kept me. I don’t have all the answers, but I rested in the truth that sin entering the world has been devastating, that He brings us to Himself, and that one day He will make everything new and right.
A few months after coming to Mariners Church, I met with our global partner in Sri Lanka, Pastor Adrian. Sri Lanka was devastated by the tsunami. I shared with Adrian that the 2004 tsunami in his area was one of my biggest intellectual struggles as a Christian. As we talked, he shared that in the end, though they did not see it right away, that the tsunami turned out to be a gift. That the Lord used that horrible event to cause people in his country to be open to the grace of Jesus. That the Lord brought great life out of the tragedy. It took 14 years after the tsunami for me to hear a report like that, but God used this good news to bolster my trust.
The struggle I had turned into antibodies.
Fast forward to now, to the last twelve months. As I watched my dad’s body deteriorate through the cruel disease of ALS, I was able to look him in the eyes over Thanksgiving (at what turned out to be our last Thanksgiving together), and say, “Well done, Dad. I am proud of you. This body is not your forever home. I know you will be with our Savior and one day everything will be right.”
We have grieved, but we have grieved with hope knowing that God will one day right every wrong and make all things new for the people of God. I don’t know if I could have handled watching my dad suffer with the same conviction or joy in Jesus if I had not been carried by His grace through the previous wrestles in my faith.
